


i wish i'd known (how much you loved me)

by ragingchaos



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Making Up, idk how to tag, only a bit at the end but, what even is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 06:57:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11892444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ragingchaos/pseuds/ragingchaos
Summary: After a drunken incident occured, Josh decided to lie the morning after in attempt to save his friendship with Tyler.or, in which josh is stupid and breaks tyler's heart





	i wish i'd known (how much you loved me)

**Author's Note:**

> title from: fourth of july - fall out boy

It was stupid, really, how Josh had thought everything would be fine after he slept with his best friend in the heat of the moment. It was also stupid, really, how he just lied and said that it meant nothing to him, that it was just a mistake and that he was just drunk and lonely that night to the said best friend's face. Josh was stupid.

The thing was, Josh didn't know Tyler's feelings towards him, so he just thought the best way out of the mess was to lie about his own. He had told Tyler to just forget about it, thinking that he'd agree to avoid awkward situations, but instead he yelled at Josh for being an asshole.

Confused, Josh had stupidly asked, "wait, what? Why are you calling me an asshole?"

"Are you that fucking dumb?" Tyler asked back, red faced and hands balled by his sides.

"Oh, so not only am I an asshole, but I'm also dumb now? What the hell, Tyler?"

"Yes, you're a fucking dumb asshole!" he shouted. "You told me that _you love me_ , slept with me and told me that you love me _over and over again_ , and now you're telling me that it didn't mean anything? Do you fucking know how stupid I feel?"

Oh.

Josh didn't really remember the details of last night, seeing that he was drunk enough to sleep with his best friend, and he had to say that he really was being a dick right now.

But wasn't Tyler sober?

"Well I'm sorry, okay? Why did you go along with it, anyway? You were sober and knew I was drunk as hell, so don't dump this all on me," Josh tried to defend himself, eyebrows furrowed.

"Because I didn't know you'd be like this!" Tyler yelled, breath growing heavy. "I didn't know you'd come up to me and say that it was a mistake!"

"What did you expect, anyway? We're best friends, Ty, I'm not going to ruin that," he reasoned, trying to stay calm even though his head was racing with thoughts.

"You fucking said you _love_ me, Josh!" Tyler told him again, his voice going from high to low as it cracked in the middle of the sentence. To Josh's alarm, a tear ran down from Tyler's eye, which he hastily wiped away as more built up behind his eyes. "But I know you didn't mean it anyway, since that it was _just a_ _mistake_ ," he added bitterly, mumbling something else under his breath that Josh couldn't hear after.

That tore a piece of Josh's heart, because he _did_ , he truly _meant_ _it_ , even though he was very drunk and stupid when he finally had the courage to say it. It was the alcohol that gave him all the confidence. He really did love Tyler, he had been in love with him for the past few years, but he would never try to turn them into something more than best friends, because what if Tyler didn't feel that way? What if he did but they didn't work out? Josh wouldn't take that chance.

"Don't say that," he snapped. "I'm fucking in love with you, Tyler Joseph, but I guess not anymore since you're the one who can decide my feelings for me."

"You just said it yourself that it meant nothing! How could I believe it's true?" Tyler asked as more tears escaped from his eyes. "You could be just saying that, for all I know."

"Are you saying that I'm lying?" Josh asked him back, hurt that Tyler would ever think he was lying about his feelings, even though Josh couldn't really blame him.

"Well, you're not telling the truth, either."

Silence fell upon the two of them as Josh gaped at his friend. "I am! You're just too fucking stupid to realize it," he angrily said after a moment, slowly losing his cool.

"Oh, I'm the stupid one, now?" Tyler snorted in disbelief, not giving Josh a chance to say anything before adding, "fuck you. Tell me then, why did you say that?"

"Because I didn't want to ruin everything between us! I don't want to lose you to my stupid feelings, Ty," he tried to explain desperately. "I thought it'd be best this way."

"Did you even think about how I feel?" Tyler asked and Josh just wanted all the questions to stop, because it was all making him doubt himself and he didn't like it.

"Of course I did! That's why I said what I said and did what I did, because I thought you didn't feel that way about me. Why are you acting like this?"

_"Because I fucking love you too,_ _idiot!"_

As soon as those words came out of Tyler's mouth, Josh felt like everything was frozen in time. He stared at his best friend in shock as his heart stopped beating in his chest, throat closing up and not letting any air get in or out. His brain was yelling at him to _do something_ or _say something_ but all he could think of was _he loves me_ _back_ and his body wouldn't work properly, so he just stood there in silence as Tyler waited for his response anxiously.

When he didn't get any, he looked at Josh in disbelief before he tore his gaze away as tears after tears ran down his face. "I fucking knew it," he huffed, "you didn't mean it, _I_ _knew it_. How could I be so stupid?" he asked himself hysterically, not even bothering to wipe his tears away as his chest heaved up and down.

"You're a jerk, Josh Dun. I hate you," he spat out as he faced his best friend once again. "I wish I'd never met you."

That stung, and all Josh could think of was _great, you fucked up_ and he wanted to apologize and convince Tyler that _he means it,_ but the shock was still running all over his bones and veins and leaving him unable to do anything.

"I- I," he forced himself to talk although he didn't even know what he was going to say with all the millions of words echoing inside his head, too fast and too loud for him to pick up. "I'm- Tyler, I-"

"Shut up," Tyler cut him off, "don't even try to bullshit your way out of this. You said you don't want to ruin our friendship?" he asked Josh but not giving him any chance to answer before he continued. "Well, congratulations, you did. I did, too," he admitted bitterly, "when I gave in and thought you were being honest last night. Didn't realize that you were just _drunk and lonely_ ," he repeated Josh's words.

"You're overreacting!" Josh finally got out, and it made him want to slap himself because out of all the words that were running in his head, why did he have to go with the ones that would fuel Tyler's anger? "I- I mean-"

"Well, sorry then!" Tyler shouted. "The boy I'm in love with just told me that he loves me last night and fucked me, only to tell me that it was nothing more than a mistake the day after. I think I have the right to be pissed!"

"But it _does_ mean something!" Josh spoke up, taking a step closer to his friend who was looking at him with tears in his eyes, shaking from how hard he was trying to keep it all in. "Fuck, Tyler, it means something to me. And _you_... God, Tyler, you mean _everything_ to me, and hearing you say that you love me back gives me the greatest feeling I've ever felt.

"So please," he softly said, taking another step closer until there was almost no distance between them, "believe me when I say I'm in love with you."

Eyes still streaming with tears, Tyler peered up at the older boy shyly, wiping those tears away. "You're not just saying this for my sake?"

"Of course not," Josh answered, looking straight into Tyler's wet, brown eyes. "I've been in love with you for _years_ , Ty."

Blushing under Josh's intense gaze, Tyler looked away and sniffled as he felt his heart fluttering in his chest. "Oh."

"Yeah," Josh chuckled softly, cupping Tyler's face in his hands, which gave the boy no choice but to look at him once again. Glancing down at Tyler's plump, bitten-red lips, Josh licked his own suddenly dry ones and asked, "may I?"

Unable to say anything, Tyler quickly nodded his head before Josh closed the gap between them, eyes fluttering close as he felt a familiar pair of lips connected with his.

It was gentle, soft, _intimate_ and it was the best kiss both of them had ever had. There was no teeth or tongue involved, unlike last night where everything was just about lust and hunger, and although it was great, Tyler surely liked this one better. It made him feel like he was something precious, something _special_.

Heart beating too fast and too loud inside his chest, Josh parted away and leaned his forehead against Tyler's as his face broke into a smile. "So we're okay?"

Still blushing madly, Tyler grinned at the other boy with bright, glazed eyes.

"We're okay."

**Author's Note:**

> okay sO this turned out WAY shorter than i had planned and it took a complete different turn from what i had in mind at first and the ending sucks ass bc it was hella rushed and idek anymore
> 
> anyways, hope you enjoyed it!!


End file.
